


If the world was ending

by Filianel



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Bittersweet Ending, Crying, Declarations Of Love, End of the World, Getting Back Together, Idiots in Love, JP Saxe, Julia Michaels - Freeform, Love, M/M, One Shot, Play that song with the story it really helps with the mood, Please Don't Hate Me, Sad, Songfic, if the world was ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:15:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24981433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Filianel/pseuds/Filianel
Summary: I listened to JP Saxe ft. Julia Michaels - If the world was ending .... and thought about our boys. It's bittersweet and really emotional."We stay like that for a long time. Intertwine with each other. I always had worries about the future. It was one of the reasons we split up. But right now, when there was no tomorrow..."
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	If the world was ending

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah.  
> My first work is here.   
> I get emotional sometimes with music and need to let it our somewhere, so here we go.  
> English is NOT my first language, so beware for mistakes and grammar errors and please be kind to me. I don't mind constructive critisism tho.  
> It is ispired by the song, but I did my own twist on it :)  
> ENJOY :)))))))

I wasn’t going think about it. At least that’s what I told myself. I knew it was not going to happen. I was in _way_ to deep.

But what could I do, right? We agreed. Not that I didn’t know, that it was going to be hard. I knew that perfectly well, but in my mind, it didn’t sting as much as it does now.

I felt lonely, after he left. After everything we’ve been thru together, how could I not feel alone. We were basically one person for so long. Like a symbiotes. Two people with one mind, but two bodies. Everybody saw that.

I guess that best friends, was our forever. We couldn’t hold relationship together. I don’t know why. We were perfect. Maybe once you’re in a relationship, spending 24/7 with each other is not a good idea?

I know I still love him. Even after all this time. It’s been a year now. After that gigantic fight last winter, I’ve been literally counting days without seeing him. I mean… We still own a company together and it’s going really very well, but outside of that? My last text message from him reads: _“B there in 5 <3”_

Sometimes, when I feel really gentle and sad, I read them. All of the messages from him. I like to lay in a bed, no light on, just the soft glow of my phone, and read. It’s like reading beautiful love story. I know nobody would understand it the way I do, because I can read between the lines. Stupid thought skips in my head. Does he read it too, or did he wiped it clean as soon as we were over.

We started dating sometimes in the year 2017. I always tried to forget it. The feeling when the first kiss came. We were standing outside. Warm Californian sun shined upon us and I felt the warmth deep inside. It felt peaceful, it felt right. We just came out of a location of Buzzfeed Unsolved and I was glad that was over. He seemed tired, but in a good mood. His eyes were closed, as he laughed, I think it was his own joke, but can’t be certain, because it was then and there that I realized the need to kiss him. Feeling a little bit braver, after escaping demons in haunted house, I did it. I just got close and leaned in and captured his mouth in sweet kiss. He stopped, obviously surprised at what I was doing. And before my fear caught me again, he brought yhis hand on my back and the other one settled on my neck and this was it. This was everything. Our mouths worked together like everything else. Perfect.

Seems like forever and yesterday at the same time. I’ll never forget the moment, feelings that I had, but memories do tend to get hazy after a while.

The traffic that day was horrendous from the moment I pulled out of the driveway at work. Nothing new though. L.A. worked like that. I grew up here, but he always complained. Not that Chicago area was that much better, but it didn’t matter. He usually spent half of the way home complaining about traffic and the next half about being hungry. I missed that.

I stopped again just after few meters. The ground shook once. Massively. The route started to crack open. I couldn’t believe it. What was happening. The crack halted just before my car. And then it was silent. Like the whole road was scene from a silent film. And then the screaming began. People were getting out of their vehicles, running in the opposite direction of the gap in the earth. I saw few cars tipping over the edge and falling into the crater, that formed. Drivers hastily getting out before they would be swallowed by the ground. Some of them made it, some of them didn’t and it was horrifying image. Cars behind me started to turn around, backing away from the scene and driving back to the centre of the city. So I did that too.

I got home a different way. Didn’t quite know what to do with todays incident. I dressed in joggers and worn T-shirt – it was positively his, but don’t judge me – and sat down in front of TV. The news were full of today events. Reporters talking about some sort of gas leaking from the gap, it being too deep to simply close it, going basically to the core of the Earth. When the information came, after couple of minutes, my heart stopped.

“Cities all around the USA and the world are reporting similar events as the one, that happened he, in on the L.A. highway. The invisible gas seems to be extremely toxic, from what we can gather. It’s leaking into the atmosphere is very dangerous. Stay inside, don’t open the windows, go outside only if you must. The government send out a message that they are trying to find a way to close up the breach, none of the scientists, however, see any alternative. At this rate of leakage, the poisonous gas is supposed to fill up the atmosphere in two to three days.”

I shut the television down after that. My mind couldn’t quite wrap around the concept, but the first and the only thought after that was about Shane.

Where is he right now? Is he outside? With the girl I’ve seen him with or is he home, maybe watching some dumb Netflix show. I’ve wanted to know. I’ve wanted to be with him, even after everything. After year of being alone. So I picked up my phone.

_“Are you alright? Where are you?”_

And I waited for the answer.

**_…_ **

****

Our falling out was something I never thought would happen. I mean. I’ve never loved anyone like that before. So deeply, so honestly. There was a time I believed, that Ryan was the one. I believed, that he was it, that we would spend all of our days together.

Oh boy, was I wrong. I’ve never been an expressive person. And showing my emotions was hard. It hurt him. I never wanted to hurt him, because hurting him meant terrible pain for myself as well. But I did, didn’t I. We both could have handled things better. Hold our love in our hands a little bit tighter. Maybe if we weren’t so scared? I don’t know.

I tried to go out once or twice. The girls were perfectly lovely, that one guy too. It wasn’t right. Nothing after him felt right anymore. We thought, that this was a good decision. Mature, fitting our age. As we didn’t know what will be in a year or two, taking it day by day and that reflected in our fights. Not that there were many, but once it started. Well let’s say, it wasn’t pretty. So when we sat down, after almost two years of relationship and many more years of friendship, and told each other, that splitting up was a good idea. I don’t know what we were thinking. To be making decisions after huge fight. We should have known better. And that was it. He moved out of our home – I’m certain that I’ll never be able to feel at home ever again – and he moved out of my life.

It took me maybe two weeks after that to feel the pain. I felt lonely and sad and I thought about telling him. Always telling him everything. But his eyes skimmed over me at the office with no emotion at all and I got scared, that maybe he wasn’t regretting every minute we spent apart. And I decided against it, decided to live with the pain and over the time, it stopped feeling so fresh.

But it never stopped hurting, it was just dull feeling. So we stayed fragile friends, poor Steven in the middle of this mess.

When the ground shook under my feet I was cooking in the kitchen. I wasn’t scared, just curious maybe. Earthquakes happened from time to time. Never experienced one myself, but what the hell, everything can be a first time. But I stopped the oven, reached for the remote on my kitchen counter and put the TV on. You know, just in case. It didn’t take long after that. I ate my dinner right there, leaned on the isle in the kitchen and listened and felt the dread built inside me.

Suddenly Ryan was all I could think about. Like his image right here, sitting at the surface of my kitchen isle. Legs spread for me. I touched him everywhere that night. I loved him right there, we never get to the bedroom, but I couldn’t complain.

Is he alright? I need to see him. And just as that thought came so did the message.

_“Are you alright? Where are you?”_

My heart stopped. The feeling - you’re not alone, he’s thinking of you – spread like a fire, warming my insides. I didn’t think anymore about consequences.

_“I’m alright, I’m home.”_

_“I’m comin over!”_

I think I should be freaking out more. At he thought of imminent death or that he’s coming over after more than year apart. Is he going to be buried under mountain of memories of this space -our space- as I am? Reminded of every great moment that happened at that couch. Does he remember all those photographs in frames, that were on the shelf above the TV. I took them down, couldn’t bare to see them once I realized, that we were not getting back together. Now they are hidden under my bed. Put in a box, sealed over, but not forgotten.

It took thirty minutes for him to come over. I opened the door. He looked sad. I think he cried on his way here, but I didn’t mind. Still beautiful as always. Then he came inside, stood right there in front of me in our hallway. In a place we’ve always kissed as a welcome and as a good bye.

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t just stay home and not know …” I see him choke on a sob.

“Ryan” I let out him name. Just his name. I don’t think it needed any explanation. I poured everything I was feeling in too those four letters. And I knew he understood, because he was in my arms the next second.

He buried his nose into my sweater, breathing me in. It felt like coming home. It felt like all that I’ve wanted in my life was in my arms. His black fluffy hair was tickling me on my chin, his breath was warming my collarbone, his arms were squeezing me, bringing me closer to him. I never wanted to let him go ever again.

_…_

It surprised me a little bit. The way the hallway of our – not our any more, you moron – felt the same. It felt like warm greetings and playful good bye kisses and long hugs. It felt like I just went through the time machine and was right back to those two years of happiness.

But it was not the case, was it. The world was about to end. Literally. Not some made up 2012 bullshit. Straight up end. Finish, caput. Take it however you want. And all of a sudden, I felt at loss of words. I tried to prepare some kind of speech. I didn’t know, how he was going to react to me coming over. I cried a little bit. My worries getting the best of me once again. Overthinking my decision billion times. Is he going to be with her? I know he’s been dating since our breakup. Did anyone last? But he didn’t text me saying no, so here I was.

I couldn’t help it. It felt like reflex, get buried in his long arms when I was scared use to be a second nature of mine. And the way he said my name didn’t help either.

“Common, let’s sit down on the couch. I’ll get you a tea and we’ll talk.” Shane looked down at me in his embrace and suddenly I felt calm.

“Okay. Yeah. I can do that.” I answered and went to the living room while he set off to the kitchen.

Living room stayed exactly the same as I remember it. Cream coloured comfy couch, that lamp we’ve bought in New Mexico. Atrocious as it was, it just fit the space somehow. I went around the room. The pictures of us were missing. Has he taken them down so no one would see them? Why was I constantly getting jealous. He didn’t belong to me anymore. We both made sure of that. I sat down, looking at my hands in my lap as he came back. His face shown me the worry he was feeling without talking. He never talked much, but I knew because of his eyes. Always his eyes.

“What now?” he asks.

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I just wanted to see you. Wasn’t thinking properly.”

“Oh.” Shane took a deep breath and ran his long finger through his hair. “I don’t know what to do either. I mean, how can anyone process this kind of thing.”

“I can, you know… I can go, if you want me too. Surely there’s someone coming over.” Came out of me.

“NO!” I bet he got a whiplash from how fast his head turn to me. “Don’t leave, please. Don’t you get it? You don’t have to leave ever again. We can get through this together, like we were supposed to do all along.” Shane then slumped against the couch a I saw the tears glistening in his eyes.

“I never got the courage to talk to you after… Well, after us.” He started, looking into my eyes. “I wanted to, so bad. I wanted to tell you, that I didn’t want to let you go, that it was a mistake. I never felt the same after you left. This place was always empty without you here. But I saw you and you looked so good and so happy and I just couldn’t handle the though of you rejecting me, you know?”

My eyes swelled with tears. I caught a sob, that wanted to come out of me, and I felt broken. So much time we’ve wasted trying to live our lives without each other, when we could have been together all along.

“I still love you…” I whispered. “Never stopped.”

He barely let me finish the sentence. His hand got hold of my face and he kissed me. I never thought I would feel this again. It felt like free falling, escaping everything and just living in the moment. I pressed myself closer to him, climbing on top of his lap, desperately holding him, like he was going to disappear.

“I think I want to stay here with you ‘till the end.” He whispered against my lips. “I think I never want to leave you again.”

“I think that’s ok.” I murmured back to him. And it was.

_…_

We stay like that for a long time. Intertwine with each other. I always had worries about the future. It was one of the reasons we split up. But right now, when there was no tomorrow, just maybe beyond some kind of heaven - at least Ryan believed that and to be fair I wanted blissful forever with him, so it couldn’t hurt to believe a little myself, right – there were no worries. I wasn’t scared, like I thought I would be. There was nothing to be scared of. We drank our tea and then we went to our bed. I took out all of our photos from under our bed. We went through them. Remembering every little memory, reliving our life together again.

We held hands and after that we held each other. We kissed and whispered sweet nothings in our ears. We laughed and cried a little bit too. It was perfect. It was all I ever wanted in my life and without my fears stopping us. Obi curled right beside us and it was perfect.

I don’t know, when we felt asleep. All I know is I had smile on my face and so did Ryan. All I know is, that Obi was purring under Ryans scratches and I fell asleep to Ryans smell in my nose, my face buried in his fluffy hair, my arms squeezing him close to me, like we could swallow each other and become one being. And Ryan squeezing me back just as hard.

And then we fell asleep. And the sky could be falling on us right now, world burning in ferocious flames and we wouldn’t care, because we had each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment if you want more.  
>  I have one story open, but my writing is reeeeeeeaaaaaly slow and I don't have computer or notebook at home, so I have to write at work ( hahaha , rulebreaker, at least I look like I'm doing something, whitch is good). Hope you don't mind.
> 
> Have a nice day :)


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